Monday, 10 October 2016

Own It 002. | Feeling Under Pressure

OWN IT.
feelingUNDERpressure.
FUCK. WHAT NOW?
Just a pre warning, I'm not going to be exactly bursting with excitement or positivity in this post but I'll try my best to keep the doom and gloom at a minimum.

F R E E D O M
After 20+ years in the schooling system - I'm talking class schedules, answering to teachers, writing papers, attending registrations, working towards deadlines and all the rest of the crap students have to endure....this summer saw my education come to a close as I finished my Masters degree in Design. A moment that I have worked so desperately hard for almost a decade to reach and yet I found myself crying alone at my exhibition the night before it launched at just the thought of school no longer being a part of my life and the dreaded pressure that was sure to follow.

E S C A P E
What do you do when you finish University, go through a break up and feel totally overwhelmed at the thought of life? You run away of course. I dissapeared to California for just short of a month and it was hands down one of the best experiences of my life as I really got to grips with who I am and what makes me truly happy. Actually, it was that good for me that I ran away again in October for the same breathing space whilst I tried to grasp the next steps of my life, only this time it didn't have the same positive effect as my first trip. The harsh reality of escaping or running away is that 9 times out of 10, it isn't forever....your life will be waiting for you at home, the situations you left behind will more than likely still very much be something to be dealt with when you return and the bubble that you've protected yourself within will burst.

B R E A T H E
This brings us to right now, my bubble has burst and life is kinda freaking me out right now. For somebody that doesn't do 'personal' on the internet, I'm somewhat surprised that I'm even posting this but I've discovered that writing helps. At the end of this month I graduate and for me that means the end of a very significant chapter of my life. The anxieties, stresses and absolute lack of 'go' in myself the past couple of weeks have ruined what I felt would be a key time to shine as an independent designer through Darwin & Gray but for some reason that I am still yet to figure out, I feel at a complete loss at the moment with my anxiety at an all time high and creatively, I'm totally uninspired.

Darwin & Gray has grown in ways that I could have never imagined but it is incredibly tough (rewarding but tough). Having recently joined Not On The High Street I have seen my escapism transform into an actual business and I could not be prouder but the thought of releasing a full Christmas range terrifies me.....therefore this year I'll be keeping a bit of a low profile, I won't be releasing new pieces left, right and centre and I won't pressure myself to upload the perfect product shot to Instagram every few hours. Instead, I'm going to let things flow naturally whilst I try and fall back in love with art and design so fingers crossed, I'll be back properly in the new year with a whole new burst of energy to take 2017 by the balls.

So Fuck. What Now? I'm off to go graduate, draw with an actual pencil for the first time in months and possibly head back to life drawing classes. Darwin & Gray will remain open and I will continue to be creating products, processing orders and posting on social media but I just won't let it control my life right now as I get on top of my anxiety again.

PS. Thank you firstly if you've read all of this word vomit and secondly, if you've ever supported Darwin & Gray.....It means the absolute world to me, the brand is quite possibly the most incredible thing that I will ever create in my life and it wouldn't be anything without you.
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