I’ve always had an ‘about me’ section but never a full story of where we started and how I managed to take this creative life full time so I figured it was time to spill the beans. So if you’re interested in the nitty gritty then pop your feet up because it’s quite a rollercoaster of an essay A.K.A word vomit/therapy.
It all started with a cushion....
Well technically it all started when I was born...I am a natural born creative. My mum has held onto creepy drawings and crafts from my younger years....you know the ones you really wish she would part with now. I wouldn’t declare that I was always destined to follow a creative path but it feels nice to be able to say that it’s something I’ve embraced since being little that is now playing out into my adult life.
Anyways, I survived school where I fell in love with portraiture and went onto study a Diploma in design at College, specialising in Illustration. My education continued with applying for Universities where I had my little heart set on studying illustration at Anglia Ruskin in Cambridge, I got accepted (with an unconditional offer I’ll have you know as it was my proudest moment to date at the time) as I was desperate to study their Masters Degree in Children’s Book Illustration. Without drifting off on a tangent, in the end I realised that staying at home was what I needed at the time and so I accepted my place at Derby University.....I will just quickly say at this point that this is hands down THE best decision I’ve made of my life so far, everything happens for a reason and without this time in my life panning out the way it did I can honestly say that I would be in a very, very different position right now.
However, in the summer leading up to starting University I came across a DIY screen printing tutorial on Pinterest and decided to try and make a little scrabble tile cushion for my bed. My sister had bought me a travel sewing machine to try and teach myself how to sew and it felt like the perfect mini project....it failed miserably. This shit took me days of meticulously adding layers of glue to an embroidery hoop with a pair of stockings pulled over it. I finally got to ‘print’ with my DIY screen using a credit card as the makeshift squeegee and all I got to show for days of pure graft was a wobbly mess that resembled an ‘S’ on a piece of fabric....I persevered and made the little cushion anyways and I still have the messy piece of crap by my bed to this day. It was then my mum who told me to simply paint the letter, I’ve always had a steady hand and it would save me all of the faff’.......it obviously worked far better and was way more therapeutic. Damn you Pinterest.
So fast forward and I’m around six months into my degree, my work had taken a digital turn which was totally off track for me. I’d been used to acrylics, charcoal, pencils etc. And now I was faced with the world of Adobe. Thankfully in the evenings I was still sketching as well as painting these mini cushions for friends and family so it felt balanced between my digital and physical practice. Having posted a few photos of my cushions online, I had a handful of requests from complete strangers.....And so, I opted to pop a small batch of cushions on Ebay and within less than an hour, they’d sold out. It was the first time in my entire life that I’d felt the buzz. By that, I mean the rush of pure happiness when somebody is willing to invest their own money in not only you but in something you’ve created that they too want for themselves. It was almost like a feeling of acceptance and despite making quite literally zero pennies on this batch, it was totally worth it knowing that my little creations were going out there in the big wide world.
Two weeks later we’re in the August of 2013, I opened my online store with Etsy. I don’t know how many mini cushions we created in the end through Etsy, they seemingly took a life force of their own and went out all over the world. Each one painted, stitched and stuffed by hand. So I’m 20 at this point and I was working my bloody arse off, I was juggling working three part time jobs, studying my degree and trying to create these cushions in the evenings but I found it incredibly rewarding so I just took it all in my stride. Somehow looking back, I managed to squeeze a pretty amazing social life in there too (there was evidently more hours in the day back then). Those little cushions saw me through the majority of my degree, I dabbled with a few different bits and bobs like gift tags, cards, a few prints here and there but more importantly came the first ever ‘Filthy’ Banner, a typographical banner that went on to influence an entire collection of products that now is what Darwin & Gray is known for.
So back to my life story, I’ll try and wrap this bit up a little quicker I promise.....I was fast approaching the end of University and quite frankly I wasn’t ready for the real world, I didn’t feel like I had a portfolio to be proud of and I didn’t want out of the educational structure just yet so this crazy person decided to go for a Masters Degree in Design. Only this time I didn’t want to create drawings for briefs that had no purpose or simply adhere to what I thought my tutors wanted to see, art can be a little bias after all. I focused on my future and I decided to study Darwin & Gray, I wanted to give it the time and focus it needed. I worked on branding, a business structure, a website....I did everything I could to make this thing transform from a last night painting session into some kind of business. The only thing I didn’t work on in all honesty was the products which is bizarre when I think back but at that time I just wanted to create a brand, my brand. My stars aligned and within that year I ended up in NYC where I managed to secure a meeting at Etsy HQ where my eyes were opened for many reasons. At the time I didn’t associate myself with my brand, I kept my distance and let it just do its thing when in actual fact I was my brand and they wanted me to embrace that. Being honest, transparent and true to myself is something that I’m proud to showcase through Darwin & Gray these days and whilst I’m never going to go selfie mad on my company feed, I will always be present because it is a (rather large) piece of me.
I went on to graduate at the end of 2016 on cloud nine with the highest grade possible for my Masters, I followed it up with a bit of travelling and then....I crashed. I dragged my arse through Christmas kind of resenting what I’d created. The combination of a breakup with a a major life adjustment following being in education for two decades to not being in that system along with just the fact that I’d simply studied D+G so intensely all made for a lull period and so I disappeared for the following six months. I didn’t socialise, I worked under the radar at my part time jobs, I barely made anything....I just stopped being creative until it just clicked into place again and when it did click, it was almost as if I had to start all over again in my head.
Now here’s for the click and I’m going to publicly thank Deb of Fabulous Places for playing a part in that click. Let’s rewind for a sec here as Deb was my first ever design client back in 2014, as a fresh faced student I designed promo material for a small event she was organising. The following year I created some of my first ever custom banners for Deb and then in both 2015 and 2016 despite her continued support I stupidly declined offers to sell at her markets down to lacking in confidence in both myself and my brand. Now let’s come back to that early summer of 2017 when I’m not in a particularly great place and I’m barely touching D+G. Deb contacts me to enquire about an 8ft banner to take pride of place in the roundhouse and there is the click, I jumped to accept the project. Fast forward two months, I’d finalised the banner but I’d also designed a whole new collection for D+G including the Location Banners which are still my absolute favourite to this day but the biggest deal was that I’d signed on to not one but three markets. By the end of 2017, I had fallen in love with Darwin & Gray and amazingly other people turned out to be fans of it too with the brand being so well accepted as I took it out of my bedroom into the wilderness for markets. I found my forte in designing and building my display, I transformed this thing that I did in my bedroom into an immersive stand. I just thrived off of being out there doing something that I was entirely in control of and this all came back to the step taken to go to market.
Whilst all of this was going on I was still working three jobs, at this point I’d managed to become a Store Manager for Skinny Dip London, a sales assistant for a clothing company on a weekend and a Cosmetic Visual Merchandiser a couple of nights a week. I juggled all of this whilst riding on a high with D+G as I continued markets and custom work as well as showcasing at the 2018 RHS Flower Show at Chatsworth House. After working solidly (I’m talking some days were 7am-11pm), pretty much 7 days a week for around a year I went away where I got some fresh air and it hit home just how unhappy I was in the life that I had created for myself. My family, friends and boyfriend are the most supportive circle possible and had been expressing their concerns over my commitment to working this hectic schedule for quite some time and actually feared that the burn out stage was fast approaching and nobody knew how bad it would hit when it came. In all honesty I knew it wasn’t far off, I was physically and mentally exhausted.....my family knew it, my management knew it and my team knew it. I like to give 110% all of the time, it can be greatest quality but also my biggest downfall and back in August I was having to divide that 110% across multiple jobs, my business, my relationship and my family and I was in constant fear of letting people down when it actual fact it was myself that I was harming.
I got back from Paris and within the space of a week, I quit two of my jobs and opted to take Darwin & Gray full time in preparation for the Christmas season. I sobbed, I literally balled my eyes out over leaving Skinny Dip because as a company they took a huge risk on me, I opened their first ever Northern store despite never managing a team before....they also trusted me with design, display and pretty much everything else that my store could possibly need to survive in the current climate of retail. That experience taught me SO much that has been transferable into my own brand and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss my team a lot BUT timing is everything and for me, I did it at the exact moment that I needed to.
Within one month of going full time, Twas The Night happened and my mindset towards Darwin & Gray changed entirely. Who would have ever thought that a little last minute banner could give me so much fulfilment and pride. The reaction to that banner proved to me that leaving my job wasn’t a stupid and ill thought through decision, it taught me that everything does happen for a reason and that if you want, go for it. It also taught me what I’m truly capable of under pressure for my business and the thing I’m beyond grateful for was that it also provided me with the finances to take Darwin & Gray to Top Drawer in London and now, you’re up to speed.
We’re in 2019 and I’m taking this business life one step at a time, I’m a yes-man that is trying to tackle anything that comes my way. I’ve still got to figure out that thing called balance and try and work on being a little more sociable from time to time (thank god for a boyfriend and friends that support me when I’m radio silent for months). To think that back in 2012 I created a shit little wonky cushion that would essentially be the foundations to establishing my own business in the future is beyond anything that I could have ever imagined. I’m super proud to still be able to say that I cut, sew, paint and print every single thing here at Darwin & Gray....with a little help from my family. Who knows what’s around the next bend but it’s bloody exciting isn’t it!
I think we all deserve a rest after reading all of that.
Ps. If you’ve supported Darwin & Gray in any way, shape or form....thank you from the absolute bottom of my heart.